So why do we ask
questions? We ask questions because we
want to know the answer… to something that we are trying to understand, or we want to know the other persons
perspective of whom we asked the question in the first place . We do this, because we want to accumulate
knowledge and learn. I know for me, Ill ask a question to save time too…like ,
Hey where are the keys? That way I don’t
have to spend time looking for them. That is accumulating knowledge that someone
else has for our own benefit. Or, do you
like the chicken or the fish? I want to
know the persons *perspective* that I am with to help me with my decision.
Enter Autism ( into the picture)… and questions can work abit
differently. Children with ASD can ask
questions over and over again because of anxiety over a future event. With my
oldest son, his use of questions was for
a purpose related to anxiety, but more
complex. He asked me questions all day because he wanted
to feel competent that he knew where the conversation was going…in other words, he removed all uncertainty in our conversation
so that he could feel safe when he talked to me. He asked me questions that he knew the answer
too. The interaction went something like
this… He would ask me a question, then I
would try and answer him and if I did not answer him the exact way he was
thinking I would, he would then answer
the question after I answered the question.
This of course meant that he knew the answer to the question before he
asked me. Needless to say, in no short
time this drove me insane as I answered questions all day only to realize he
already knew the answer.
I remember saying to his therapists ( This started around 6
years old )….MAKE HIM STOP! Lol and we
tried many different behavioral strategies.
It was not until he was around 9 that developmentally he was able to
feel safe in the uncertainty of a *open ended conversation*. We had been doing RDI with him for over a
year at this point to help him get there.
A strategy that worked for us… I would ask him, Oh you know
the answer to this! Then I would say, so
I love that you talk to me…anything you say ( decreases anxiety) and it sounds
like you are trying to tell me something …Here is how you tell me something
without asking a question ( and still knowing that the outcome is the
same) Then I told him how to reword the
question into a *Mom, quess what* statement… Meaning to open it up like, quess
what ( and then tell me instead of ask me).
This helped him to then be ok with my *answer* too, as he started to
enjoy the back and forth and be resilient in not having to know the answer. There are many different strategies hooked
into this, this is just the beginning one.
However, within my own sons RDI program, I recognized at the same time
we really needed to address this at its core too. He was asking me questions because he so
wanted to be successful with me in an interaction…and for him, asking the
question and me answering was SUCCESS.
So who would not want to repeat success…right??? We do all the time…when we go out with a
friend, etc and we have a great time,
one of the first things we say is..lets do that again! We know though that it’s the relationship
that we want to *do* again, not the
exact events and actions of the time spent.
If your child is asking questions that he knows the answer too,
try the strategy above. In addition, here
are a few beginning tips to work on a few of the core deficits of Autism- dynamic analysis, experience communication,
and Episodic memory.
Addressing competence and resilience from the ground up is crucial to help your child understand thoroughly the WHY of communcation.
Working on Dynamic Analysis- Our
kids need help knowing the important part of the interaction. Instead of paying attention to the *answer*,
focus more on the relationship ( I love when we talk to each other or I love
your smile!) Your child hears your
thoughts that you are paying attention to more than just their question. At first there may be some anxiety over you
not answering them right away, but you are giving them the opportunity to
process your perspective ( you have their attention as they wait for what they
*want* to hear). You can follow this up
with commenting to them a great way to tell *Mom* something is hey Mom…_____________,
Working on Experience sharing communication- When your child asks you a question that they
know the answer too, use non verbals to answer them and then pair the non
verbal communication with a strategic pace of any comment you make ( for
Dynamic analysis). Strategic pace is pausing at the moment that is important …to
highlight and say to your child…here…this is important to pay attention too!
Working on Episodic memory- look
for opportunities when helping your child feel secure in his communication to
reflect on past experiences of the subject that he is asking about. Recalling past events, reviewing success and
reminiscing about joint shared experiences will help your child’s motivation to
want to continue to build a conversation with you, even when he is unsure of the outcome ( an
open ended conversation). This is a
great time to talk about your emotions and /or your childs emotions as a
reflective process. This helps your
child see that communication is a reflective process built on experiences, and is truly a back and forth interaction
where the uncertainty is an interesting aspect of a conversation and not
something to produce anxiety.
ese children need to constantly know what is
coming up to feel secure. Questioning becomes a way of making the world more
clear, consistent, and predictable.
2. Some children experience anticipatory anxiety (strong excitement about what
is coming up) and will continually question as a way of coping with
anticipation.
3. Some children who want attention will repeatedly ask the same question as a
way of interacting, getting attention. This occurs especially if they either do
not know how to get attention in other more appropriate ways, or if the
intensity of reaction they get from questioning is much stronger then what they
get for appropriately initiating interaction.
ese children need to constantly know what is
coming up to feel secure. Questioning becomes a way of making the world more
clear, consistent, and predictable.
2. Some children experience anticipatory anxiety (strong excitement about what
is coming up) and will continually question as a way of coping with
anticipation.
3. Some children who want attention will repeatedly ask the same question as a
way of interacting, getting attention. This occurs especially if they either do
not know how to get attention in other more appropriate ways, or if the
intensity of reaction they get from questioning is much stronger then what they
get for appropriately initiating interaction.
There are a few behavioral techniques that have worked successfully for me with
several children I have worked with in the past:
1. Answering the child once when they repeat a question, then telling them that
is the last time they will answer. From then on in, the parent gives no verbal
response. They may shake their head no, but not give a verbal answer. In all
cases, the parent’s verbal answer is what reinforces the child to ask again.
This is discussed with the child ahead of time, so he knows the parent will not
verbally answer anymore. This would probably cause increased problems for
Robert.
2. For some children answering only once is not enough, so you might try
answering no more than three times. Then with each answer you count them off.
When you hit three that is it.
3. Some children will inhibit the response if you repeat the question to them.
So the second time they ask the question, “Are we going to McDonalds for
dinner?”, you say “Bobby, are we going to McDonalds for dinner?” They will
usually give you the answer, and stop repeating the question.
4. For an older teen, who could read and write, we would answer the repeated
question one time, then have him write down the answer and carry it with him.
If he asked again, the parent would refer him to his note. Another technique
that has worked is writing the answer down on a note board and referring the
child to that board. This worked well, since the verbal response is what
reinforces the repeated questioning.
5. This next technique is for children who find it real difficult to stop, so
we gradually decrease the behavior as the child becomes more controlled in
refraining from questioning. It is more complex but has worked well.
a. The parent keeps track, for a couple of days, of how frequently the child
repeatedly questions during the day (let’s say an average of six times a day)
and how many repetitions of a question the child averages (let’s say five
repetitions of a question). Then from there we write a plan to start gradually
decreasing those frequencies (the number of repetitions of each question, and
the number of times a day repeated questioning occurs.
b. To decrease the number of repetitions child gives per question, if the
average frequency is five, we would start by answering the child up to four
times. We would tell the child that we can only give up to four responses. Each
time the child repeated the question, the parent responds “this is number one”
and answers the question. Then each response starts with “this in number 2, 3
or 4” and answers the question. At the forth time the parent reminds the child
they cannot answer it again. If the child stops asking, the parent will praise
the child, “Sally, you really please mommy by not questioning after I told you
no”. If the child asked again, the parent shakes her head no, and gives the
child the manual sign for “no”. The parent does not give another “verbal
answer” to the question, regardless of how intense the child gets. When the
child gets used to asking only up to four times, then we decrease to three
times. We gradually decrease to twice and only once.
c. Now, we want to reward the child for stopping at the predetermined number of
repetitions, as well as decrease the number of repeated questionings throughout
the day. In this example, the child averages repeated questioning six times a
day. We start at that number. We make a laminated chart with six boxes on it.
We also post a picture of a few rewards that the child can earn next to the
board. For each time the child engages in repeated questioning, when he doesn’t
stop at four, the parent puts a cross, or frown face, in one of the boxes (with
an erasable marker). The parent tells the child that if there is at least one
box left by a certain time of the evening, the child will get their choice of
one of the rewards. So, in this case, if the child has four or less times when
he doesn’t stop repeated questioning, he will earn a reward. This way, we start
with were the child is at, teach him how to earn the reward, and then slowly
started reducing the number of boxes (chances) he has to earn the reward. So
for step b above, when the child asks for the fifth time, the mother shakes her
head no, gives manual sign for “no”, and walks over and crosses out one of the
squares. If the child has at least one box left by the evening, he gets his
choice of reward. If he has all five boxes crossed off, parent shows him, tells
him he cannot get the reward tonight, but he can try again tomorrow.
Another way you can work this, is using the same style board, give the child a
star in each box each time he stops the questioning at the predetermined amount
without going over. So, if the child stops at four repetitions, the parent
praises him, and gives him a star to put on his chart. Once he earns the right
number of stars he earns a reward.
6. Another technique is to answer the child once or twice. Then the next time
the child asks, you tell him you will not answer that question again, and ask
him a simple question to redirect him. This way you are redirecting him to talk
about something else. If he doesn’t answer, but asks his question instead, you
continue to ignore his question and continue to ask him your question until he
answers. If he answers your question and goes back to his, you simply ask
another question about the issue you want to talk about and keep focusing on
what you are asking him. Eventually they learn to take the redirection and
converse on what you want to talk about.
Remember almost all of the techniques focuses on 1) stop rewarding his repeated
questioning with “verbal answers” and 2) focusing (rewarding) him for responding
the way you want him to do.
ese children need to constantly know what is coming up to feel secure.
Questioning becomes a way of making the world more clear, consistent, and
predictable.
2. Some children experience anticipatory anxiety (strong excitement about what
is coming up) and will continually question as a way of coping with
anticipation.
3. Some children who want attention will repeatedly ask the same question as a
way of interacting, getting attention. This occurs especially if they either do
not know how to get attention in other more appropriate ways, or if the
intensity of reaction they get from questioning is much stronger then what they
get for appropriately initiating interaction.
There are a few behavioral techniques that have worked successfully for me with
several children I have worked with in the past:
1. Answering the child once when they repeat a question, then telling them that
is the last time they will answer. From then on in, the parent gives no verbal
response. They may shake their head no, but not give a verbal answer. In all
cases, the parent’s verbal answer is what reinforces the child to ask again.
This is discussed with the child ahead of time, so he knows the parent will not
verbally answer anymore. This would probably cause increased problems for
Robert.
2. For some children answering only once is not enough, so you might try
answering no more than three times. Then with each answer you count them off.
When you hit three that is it.
3. Some children will inhibit the response if you repeat the question to them.
So the second time they ask the question, “Are we going to McDonalds for
dinner?”, you say “Bobby, are we going to McDonalds for dinner?” They will
usually give you the answer, and stop repeating the question.
4. For an older teen, who could read and write, we would answer the repeated
question one time, then have him write down the answer and carry it with him.
If he asked again, the parent would refer him to his note. Another technique
that has worked is writing the answer down on a note board and referring the
child to that board. This worked well, since the verbal response is what
reinforces the repeated questioning.
5. This next technique is for children who find it real difficult to stop, so
we gradually decrease the behavior as the child becomes more controlled in
refraining from questioning. It is more complex but has worked well.
a. The parent keeps track, for a couple of days, of how frequently the child
repeatedly questions during the day (let’s say an average of six times a day)
and how many repetitions of a question the child averages (let’s say five
repetitions of a question). Then from there we write a plan to start gradually
decreasing those frequencies (the number of repetitions of each question, and
the number of times a day repeated questioning occurs.
b. To decrease the number of repetitions child gives per question, if the
average frequency is five, we would start by answering the child up to four
times. We would tell the child that we can only give up to four responses. Each
time the child repeated the question, the parent responds “this is number one”
and answers the question. Then each response starts with “this in number 2, 3
or 4” and answers the question. At the forth time the parent reminds the child
they cannot answer it again. If the child stops asking, the parent will praise
the child, “Sally, you really please mommy by not questioning after I told you
no”. If the child asked again, the parent shakes her head no, and gives the
child the manual sign for “no”. The parent does not give another “verbal
answer” to the question, regardless of how intense the child gets. When the
child gets used to asking only up to four times, then we decrease to three
times. We gradually decrease to twice and only once.
c. Now, we want to reward the child for stopping at the predetermined number of
repetitions, as well as decrease the number of repeated questionings throughout
the day. In this example, the child averages repeated questioning six times a
day. We start at that number. We make a laminated chart with six boxes on it.
We also post a picture of a few rewards that the child can earn next to the
board. For each time the child engages in repeated questioning, when he doesn’t
stop at four, the parent puts a cross, or frown face, in one of the boxes (with
an erasable marker). The parent tells the child that if there is at least one
box left by a certain time of the evening, the child will get their choice of
one of the rewards. So, in this case, if the child has four or less times when
he doesn’t stop repeated questioning, he will earn a reward. This way, we start
with were the child is at, teach him how to earn the reward, and then slowly
started reducing the number of boxes (chances) he has to earn the reward. So
for step b above, when the child asks for the fifth time, the mother shakes her
head no, gives manual sign for “no”, and walks over and crosses out one of the
squares. If the child has at least one box left by the evening, he gets his
choice of reward. If he has all five boxes crossed off, parent shows him, tells
him he cannot get the reward tonight, but he can try again tomorrow.
Another way you can work this, is using the same style board, give the child a
star in each box each time he stops the questioning at the predetermined amount
without going over. So, if the child stops at four repetitions, the parent
praises him, and gives him a star to put on his chart. Once he earns the right
number of stars he earns a reward.
6. Another technique is to answer the child once or twice. Then the next time
the child asks, you tell him you will not answer that question again, and ask
him a simple question to redirect him. This way you are redirecting him to talk
about something else. If he doesn’t answer, but asks his question instead, you continue
to ignore his question and continue to ask him your question until he answers.
If he answers your question and goes back to his, you simply ask another
question about the issue you want to talk about and keep focusing on what you
are asking him. Eventually they learn to take the redirection and converse on
what you want to talk about.
Remember almost all of the techniques focuses on 1) stop rewarding his repeated
questioning with “verbal answers” and 2) focusing (rewarding) him for
responding the way you want him to do.
ese children need to constantly know what is
coming up to feel secure. Questioning becomes a way of making the world more
clear, consistent, and predictable.
2. Some children experience anticipatory anxiety (strong excitement about what
is coming up) and will continually question as a way of coping with
anticipation.
3. Some children who want attention will repeatedly ask the same question as a
way of interacting, getting attention. This occurs especially if they either do
not know how to get attention in other more appropriate ways, or if the
intensity of reaction they get from questioning is much stronger then what they
get for appropriately initiating interaction.
There are a few behavioral techniques that have worked successfully for me with
several children I have worked with in the past:
1. Answering the child once when they repeat a question, then telling them that
is the last time they will answer. From then on in, the parent gives no verbal
response. They may shake their head no, but not give a verbal answer. In all
cases, the parent’s verbal answer is what reinforces the child to ask again.
This is discussed with the child ahead of time, so he knows the parent will not
verbally answer anymore. This would probably cause increased problems for
Robert.
2. For some children answering only once is not enough, so you might try
answering no more than three times. Then with each answer you count them off.
When you hit three that is it.
3. Some children will inhibit the response if you repeat the question to them.
So the second time they ask the question, “Are we going to McDonalds for
dinner?”, you say “Bobby, are we going to McDonalds for dinner?” They will
usually give you the answer, and stop repeating the question.
4. For an older teen, who could read and write, we would answer the repeated
question one time, then have him write down the answer and carry it with him.
If he asked again, the parent would refer him to his note. Another technique
that has worked is writing the answer down on a note board and referring the
child to that board. This worked well, since the verbal response is what
reinforces the repeated questioning.
5. This next technique is for children who find it real difficult to stop, so
we gradually decrease the behavior as the child becomes more controlled in
refraining from questioning. It is more complex but has worked well.
a. The parent keeps track, for a couple of days, of how frequently the child
repeatedly questions during the day (let’s say an average of six times a day)
and how many repetitions of a question the child averages (let’s say five
repetitions of a question). Then from there we write a plan to start gradually
decreasing those frequencies (the number of repetitions of each question, and
the number of times a day repeated questioning occurs.
b. To decrease the number of repetitions child gives per question, if the
average frequency is five, we would start by answering the child up to four
times. We would tell the child that we can only give up to four responses. Each
time the child repeated the question, the parent responds “this is number one”
and answers the question. Then each response starts with “this in number 2, 3
or 4” and answers the question. At the forth time the parent reminds the child
they cannot answer it again. If the child stops asking, the parent will praise
the child, “Sally, you really please mommy by not questioning after I told you
no”. If the child asked again, the parent shakes her head no, and gives the
child the manual sign for “no”. The parent does not give another “verbal
answer” to the question, regardless of how intense the child gets. When the
child gets used to asking only up to four times, then we decrease to three
times. We gradually decrease to twice and only once.
c. Now, we want to reward the child for stopping at the predetermined number of
repetitions, as well as decrease the number of repeated questionings throughout
the day. In this example, the child averages repeated questioning six times a
day. We start at that number. We make a laminated chart with six boxes on it.
We also post a picture of a few rewards that the child can earn next to the
board. For each time the child engages in repeated questioning, when he doesn’t
stop at four, the parent puts a cross, or frown face, in one of the boxes (with
an erasable marker). The parent tells the child that if there is at least one
box left by a certain time of the evening, the child will get their choice of
one of the rewards. So, in this case, if the child has four or less times when
he doesn’t stop repeated questioning, he will earn a reward. This way, we start
with were the child is at, teach him how to earn the reward, and then slowly
started reducing the number of boxes (chances) he has to earn the reward. So
for step b above, when the child asks for the fifth time, the mother shakes her
head no, gives manual sign for “no”, and walks over and crosses out one of the
squares. If the child has at least one box left by the evening, he gets his
choice of reward. If he has all five boxes crossed off, parent shows him, tells
him he cannot get the reward tonight, but he can try again tomorrow.
Another way you can work this, is using the same style board, give the child a
star in each box each time he stops the questioning at the predetermined amount
without going over. So, if the child stops at four repetitions, the parent
praises him, and gives him a star to put on his chart. Once he earns the right
number of stars he earns a reward.
6. Another technique is to answer the child once or twice. Then the next time
the child asks, you tell him you will not answer that question again, and ask
him a simple question to redirect him. This way you are redirecting him to talk
about something else. If he doesn’t answer, but asks his question instead, you
continue to ignore his question and continue to ask him your question until he
answers. If he answers your question and goes back to his, you simply ask
another question about the issue you want to talk about and keep focusing on
what you are asking him. Eventually they learn to take the redirection and
converse on what you want to talk about.
Remember almost all of the techniques focuses on 1) stop rewarding his repeated
questioning with “verbal answers” and 2) focusing (rewarding) him for
responding the way you want him to do.
