Independence
day= “Inter”dependence Day
As we commemorate the 236th anniversary of our Declaration
of Independence, taking a look back at our history helps remind us of our
successes, and where we need growth.
Today is a day to celebrate independence…to celebrate those
who fight for our continued independence, and to remember those who gave the
ultimate sacrifice so that we can be here, free, writing whatever we wish to
write. While it is easy to take these
freedoms for granted in the day to day, today is a special day to give a shout
out…as Americans, to say THANKS to all of you who fight for freedom, in any arena!
The older I get, the
more I realize the war on maintaining freedom extends to many different areas
of our lives, both collectively and
individually. While acknowledge the big
guns of freedom, I also wanted to take my own personal thoughts on a battle
very real to parents every day, the freedoms for our children…with Autism.
A few weeks ago, in New Jersey I stood before Governor
Christie asking for that freedom..the freedom of choice for parents to choose
which intervention they wanted for their child and have the same funding
options for their choice. This freedom
was crucial for my own 2 boys as our family remediated Autism in their lives. I was fortunate to be able to show the logic
of funding to my school district years ago,
which of course they are reaping the benefit now as my son is in High
school, with friends, and will live an independent life ( when I was told he
would not).
But we all have heard the professionals tell us what our
kids will not be able to do. We as
parents have a choice to let their words define our babies future, or to let
those words spur us on to make sure that is not the future for our children!
This is the same spirit, that independence is built on. The declaration of independence…. to pursue
hope, on their terms.
The lessons of interdependence leads the way for crucial
understanding of true dependence.
The basic thought that guides these
specific means of national recovery is not narrowly nationalistic. It is the
insistence, as a first consideration, upon the interdependence of the various
elements in all parts of the United States – a recognition of the old and
permanently important manifestation of the American spirit of the pioneer.
U.S. President Franklin D. Roosevelt,
First Inaugural Address, 1932
...for many of our white brothers, as
evidenced by their presence here today, have come to realize that their destiny
is tied up with our destiny. And they have come to realize that their freedom
is inextricably bound to our freedom.
This is a huge topic for me because with my own two boys,
about 7 years ago I had come to a crossroads.
My then 8 year old could do a bunch of things by himself, as we worked
for years to get him to that point…but missed the whole point of sharing the
experience and reactions of anyone around him.
He successful went through a program to teach him how to act, but not
understanding WHY! I kept saying, if he could just talk, it would be ok, then he did but it was only for his
needs. Then if he could have a friend,
it would be ok, but he couldn’t, because
he did not *get* the social nuances and minute by minute steps that it took to
have that back and forth relationships. For my younger son, who was 4 at the
time, I was able to learn from that, and turn the tides for him , and his older
brother to concentrate more on interdependence FIRST, to have that TrUE sense
of independence, emerge right before my eyes. To help them from the bottom up… Our
kids with Autism, blossom with taking their need for static “independence” ( leave me in my own
world so that I am safe and nothing changes) and changing that to concentrate
on the relationship of interdependence. This is where in fact I had to start with my
own kids. This quote, speaks volumes for
long term thinking…interdependence is necessary to success in marriage, family
and organized realty ( LIFE that does not go as planned day to day)
Independent thinking alone is not
suited to interdependent reality. Independent people who do not have the
maturity to think and act interdependently may be good individual producers,
but they won't be good leaders or team players. They're not coming from the
paradigm of interdependence necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or
organizational reality.
Think of your own child with Autism. Do you find yourself working on skills and
behaviors, yet still there is that missing
piece and you wonder if there isn’t a more pro active way to address the goals?
There is…through guiding our kids through the developmental stages of Interdependence… it is worth fighting for in
our children and will bring them to an understanding of the experience process
in relationships. My youngest son,
diagnosed at 18 months, severe infantile Autism, understands reactions, perceptions and
perspectives, as well as independence in the exciting things he can do as an 11
year old. It is a complete, balanced
package that typical children already have in place…so we cant skip the core
importance of INTER dependence, otherwise we are on that hamster wheel in
trying to fix this behavior or that one.
Interdependence allows our kids to have that intruistic motivation that
relationships are rooted in beginning at birth!!
So Happy Independence day…rooted in interdependence J
Kathy Darrow
Click here for my younger sons before and after- http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jakn6_RqHB8&feature=plcp
Check out my other blog at www.whatisrdi.blogspot.com
